LEADERS

Nancy Tuecsher / Rosemary Smith "Some leaders are born women."--Geraldine Ferraro

In this "Soul Pancake" episode these women talk about the challenges they have with loving their bodies. Further, they share experiences in their youth about the horrible words people said to them about how they looked. I remember each time someone said something about my weight and how that made me feel. Processing what people say is difficult as a child because you don't understand where they are coming from; that they may be being bullied or tormented by someone, and are mimicking what they hear. Their experience does not make yours any easier. So...burned in my memory are every terrible awful word that anyone ever said.  In contrast, memories of the moments when people were beautiful, inspiring, and loving are much more difficult to remember. I realize that having a big enough moment that I could recognize as enlightening in the darkness of mean words is something that is unusual, and I am grateful that I was given the opportunity to experience such a sweet gift.

Nancy and Rosemary were my young women leaders, and leaders they were. The church I grew up in had a youth program where there are spiritual classes on Sundays and "fun" activities once a week. They facilitated both the classes and the activities. For one of those activities the group was going to dress up in wedding dresses and take pictures by the Idaho Falls LDS Temple. (This is the place they teach you to strive to get married because in the "temple marriage" is considered an eternal covenant.) I had resigned that I would not be attending this activity or any of the previous activities preparing for the "photo shoot." You see... I was chubby and none of the dresses they had gathered from women in the congregation would fit me, and one of the girls told me "I was too fat to fit into any of them," so I would not be able to come. I remember thinking, "I don't want to do the stupid activity anyway."  But... of course even though I convinced myself of that; I really did want to be a part of the ordeal. As a 16 year old it is pretty devastating not to be able to participate with your friends in what seemed, at the time, such a pivotal moment. I felt left out and I thought I must be a big fat looser, pun intended. ;-) I was sure it was a sign.

Nancy and Rosemary left a fingerprint on my soul that was deep and strong and I think it only gets more embedded in my soul as time goes on as I understand not everyone is so attuned to those around them.  The fingerprint is that of inclusion. They allowed me to experience that moment when people were beautiful, inspiring, and loving, and feel what it is like for someone to go out of their way to make sure that I felt included. They took care of an emotional need that no one else, at that time, could have done. And... they gave me an opportunity to realize what type of person I wanted to become rather then mimicking the way I had been talked to with those terrible awful words. First, they arranged for me to try on dresses at a local lady's home where she rented dresses. Then, I do not know whether they paid to rent the dress or how that all came to be, but I know that on the day of the "photo shoot" one of the dresses I tried on was waiting for me. Even though leading up to the date I had my doubts; they assured me this would be the case. I don't know how they knew, but I always go back to this moment where consequently they ennobled me.

I could not help but think of this experience this week because my oldest nephew who is twenty two years old nephew gets married on Saturday. For me, a thirty nine year old single gal, this felt like a little of my hope was lost. Through my late 20's and early 30's each friend, cousin, and acquaintance that excitedly told me they were getting hitched I told myself "well... at least my nephews are still young," and I won't be too old until they start announcing their nuptials. I determined that I would not be one of those bitter girls that each time someone in their life got married or had a baby that they pined and wined and moaned about why it was not happening for them, and they could not be happy for their loved one that was having this life altering experience. I chose to be happy for each one of them, and I truly was. But...in December, when my nephew announced that he was marrying a darling, sweet, strong, smart girl, my chest felt like it would break open, and I was immediately brought back to those memories of not being good enough to have this opportunity. The hope that I would meet someone to share my life with vanished like a mirage. Suddenly, the fact that I was all alone was crushing, and as much as I try to fill my life with family and friends and fulfilling activities I still am all alone.

Luckily, I had a beautiful ennobling memory given to me by two women that mentored me on how to act when a young girl feels alone and inadequate. As I thought back to this experience and mulled it over I felt my confidence return to its normal, shaky but stable, condition. I swear it is like walking a tight rope. The littlest thing can take your confidence off balance, but luckily I have been able to weave a safety net from all of the experiences of women mentoring, coaching, and cheering me on. My fingerprints swell like when you have been in the bath far too long telling me to: get up, get out, and get back on that rope.

Nancy, thank you for taking a special interest in me at a time that was difficult, to say the least. I feel happy and loved each time I see you and thankful for the many more experiences that you made me feel important and included. You turned some sad moments into happy memories. What an enormous feat! I show more empathy because of the empathy you showed. Thank you for being my mentor.

Rosemary, thank you for being pro-active in your actions when I was not sure anyone cared. You helped shape my love for strong women leaders. I love seeing your kind face. I will be forever grateful for the care that you took of my soul. Thank you for being my mentor.