Margaret Young

I have, for a long time, said to many people that, if I get the opportunity to have children, a little girl in particular, I would like to name her Margaret. I think your name is important; your name identifies you, and if a person can associate positively with their name I think it can give that person a measure of confidence. I have always thought how wonderful it would be to be able to tell my daughter about the type of person her name sake is. I would be able to tell her that I had never met a more angelic person in my life. It is as though when you are with her you can not help but see the light in others and see all of the goodness in yourself.


Last week I wrote about my mom’s spirituality. Writing about Margaret is an extension of that because she also is a woman that I respect for her devotion to her faith and her desire to live her life authentically. Over the weeks of contemplating my moral compass I also could not help but think about Margaret, her faith, her love, and her ability to help other see divinity in themselves. 

Her unique genuine reflective nature left a profound impact on my soul and my dealings with others. In many of my other blogs I have talked about woman who have either been an example of not judging others or taught me that it is not my place to judge others. These have been important fingerprints for me. But…Margaret taught me something different about judgment that is imperative to those of us women that find ourselves allowing people into our lives that are toxic because we have been taught not to judge. I learned through Margaret that I do NOT need to feel guilty for judging an individual as far as whether they are a positive or negative influence on me and my family and whether or not I want them in my space. These are necessary choices each of us must make for the well-being or ourselves and those around us. She taught me that treating all people kindly and seeing the good in folks is not the same as allowing every person into our lives to potentially use and/or abuse us. I saw her many times treat the most bazaar people with caring respect, I know they must have felt her light and saw their own goodness in the reflection of that light. However, she also did not always let them into her circle, and she treated them with kindness in those instances she was necessarily in their presence. For me this was a great epiphany because, mistakenly, I thought that for me to not to be a respecter of persons I had to allow anyone that wanted in my life into my space or I was being judgmental which in turn made me feel guilty. This epiphany gave my soul freedom; the freedom to let my intuition be my guide. I could be kind, but still take care of myself.

Please do not mistake me, I am not disillusioned to think that she is perfect and flawless, but… because of her genuine reflective nature I felt like all of her flaws as well as my flaws blur into the background scenery, still present, but what is left in focus is a raw, true, version of ourselves, like how a mother or God may see us. Margaret is not only that beautiful window into heaven, she is also mischievous, creative and fun. She made life fun. Like themed weeks: swear word week (you could swear as much as you wanted) or poetry week (we wrote and read poetry) or diary week (you had to make sure you wrote in your journal everyday and go through your past journals sharing experiences). During diary week I remember she told me that her Dad wrote in her journal once a week, things about her and her life during that time, until she was 8 and then he gave them to her to take over. I thought that was the most amazing idea. She turned the most mundane events into a party and a great time. I knew she was going to make a happy home and be an awesome mom.


Shortly after she married I was chatting with her and asked her how it was going being a step-mom. (Aside: The story I am about to tell about Margaret, I hope I get right; I will use a lot of qualifiers because it has been several years since she told me the story, is the perfect incident to exemplify her to those of you who do not know her or what an amazing woman she is. I have heard many horror stories about being a step-mom, but I remember thinking how lucky that little girl would be because I can not imagine another woman loving and caring for a child more like a mom then their actual mother.) She said that it was going well and that she had had the cutest experience with her, (I think) 4 yr. old, step-daughter. They were at church sitting in a pew, and (I believe) her step-daughter asked her where her mommy was and she said she did not live there. She was quiet and then asked where her other mommy was and Margaret told her she only had one mommy. The girl, so sad with tears in her eyes said, “you only have one mommy.” After Margaret told me that I just thought to myself of course she feels that way because as children our reality is everyone else’s reality too, and how sad to realize that everyone in this world does not get to have a Margaret in their life. I am saddened by that thought as well.


Margaret, I know that I have told you before how endeared I am to you, but I want you to know that knowing you help me to know and love myself and others in a much greater measure. You, for me, are the picture of spirituality, the master photographer of the human spirit. You bring into focus the soul. Thank you. Thank you for being my friend and allowing me into your space. Thank you for focusing my soul. I feel privileged to call you friend.