LAST WEEK

I have been putting off writing my blog for a few reasons. Then last night I laid awake writing the entire thing in my head. It is always in those hours of reverie that I come up with the best one liners or some analogy that completely blows my mind. In the morning though, it is nothing more than a hazy outline or a pile of rubble; I awake confused and discombobulated. ;-) I'm hoping as I write the words will fall back into place and the end result will be clear. I did not write last week. First, I was mourning with some of the people I love the most. I felt they deserved all of the attention I could give them because I was going to get to come home and go on with life per usual while they were left with a hole where their lunch had been, or their service, or their housemate, or all of the many other ways in which my GG impacted their regular everyday lives. Of course, I was mourning for myself and in particular for my Dad, but... certainly the loss of a loved one is different for those that are with them everyday or week, and after all the hubbub is over is when the quiet sets in and the hole is so much more apparent.

Second, I did not want to! ;-) I question the purpose of this blog every week. I started out with such excitement and enjoyment in who I was going to write about and what I was going to write. I am not very far into the year and my confidence is waning. I had to go back to the beginning and remind myself of some of my reasons. My cousin and I were talking about how people always talk about the wonderful attributes of a person after they are gone and usually do not get around to telling their people what they think of them. I told her that was one of the reasons I wanted to do this blog. I want people to hear what I think of them before they are no longer able to. But... recently, I also have this nagging scripture running through my head. I remember the first time I heard this quoted. I was 21. He was a missionary and one of my leaders as a missionary. Like in the beginning of this project I was excited to tell my story and help the world become a better place with my love for people. I remember talking to him and telling him an experience that was dear to me, he said, "Sister Foster, can I give you some advise?" I said, "sure." He said, "don't cast pearls before swine." I didn't get it. I was confused because I had never heard that before, so I asked him what that was supposed to mean. He told me that our pearls are the things that are important to us and the swine are people that don't care about those things, and that if I continued to share my "important things" with people that don't care I would continually be disappointed  and let down in life because my pearls would get muddy and likely lost.

 

I have started to feel like maybe I should have just wrote each of these women a letter; I am still thinking that would have been a good option. Then I go back to some of the other reasons I wanted to share my thoughts in a blog.  I hope that whomever you are out there, reading this, tell someone who has inspired you how they left a fingerprint on your soul. If you do then my insecurity about "casting my pearls before swine" will not be in vain. If you don't I am betting that you care otherwise why would you take the time to read about women you don't know. I just have to keep giving myself pep talks (you'll forgive me, I hope) and keep my insecurities in check. These women and the life lessons, attributes, and love they taught me are my pearls. Though they may drop in the mud or be rooted out by pigs my hope is that I will be able to clean and display them as the miracles they are, so they can be properly appreciated.  

In the next few days I will post about one of my miracles without the taint of insecurity. Thank you all for your support and patience.